Hey Lynn, I just read your blog post "People" and my heart aches. I think of the laments of "why do evil men prosper?" but instead of finding Psalm 73 where the psalmist speaks to this (had to look it up), I just flipped to Psalm 101. Why didn't you marry a non-Christian man with values? I have no answers. Yet, you truly are an honest woman, a good woman, a woman of integrity. You seek true repentance and God's face. In your blog you have challenged me to think about my own struggle with appearances and the outside of the cup. So what good is all this hindsight and this daily pain and grief? I never had the longing for heaven like I have now. If anything, Gordon's death has done that for me. "Abandoned, struck down but not destroyed." I know I clung, and still do, to that knowledge. At the end of Psalm 73 he(Asaph)says there is nothing on earth here for him. We sing "nothing I desire compares with you" thinking that's a pretty thought. And yet here is a cry out saying--there is nothing here!
When I had the flu at Christmas nothing tasted or smelled good--it all turned my stomach. And many things in this world and even in the church should turn our stomachs. And now my book is open to Romans (8:18). How did Paul say these things? ...and then I work my way to The Spirit in verse 26-27 (that's how). I really think most words of the Bible mean little to people who haven't suffered. Many Christians never know what yearning for God, his justice, the end of evil really means having never endured such pain. It's true (vs. 24): "WHO HOPES FOR WHAT HE ALREADY HAS?" If we already have heaven on earth--WHAT DO WE NEED HEAVEN FOR? Then the cry in Ecclesiastes is true--eat, drink, for tomorrow we die! It is all meaningless. And we know that without God it is meaningless. Because everything isn't all good. We are struck down. People make a mess, are a mess. I know I am. I'm grateful for His Spirit...may it sustain us.
Lynn you make me want to read The Word by what you have said and what you have written. I haven't truly felt like doing this in a while. Please forgive me if I'm coming off like I am being full of it--just sounding off scriptures. I want to be full of Spirit and not myself. Thanks for inspiring me today to look to Him.
hi lynn I just read your blog and I can say that I know how you feel. Not exactly but there have been many times in my life when I have felt that all "this" has been for nothing. I don't know what to say because I know that whatever I say will not make it easier or better. I know this because I have been there. This is something that you have to work through yourself and with God. It will take time and much searching. Your faith and even some of your beliefs may change. This is not bad. This is something that you need to do. May you know that I am here for you praying, as are many others. May God lead you through this, as ever distant He may seem or you may want Him.
This may all sound dumb to people reading this and I have no words for them either. All I can say is I remember a time when all my faith consisted of was me acknowledging yes there is a God. And a cry consisting only of "you have to help me." I did not know what to believe, what to think and I did not even care to pray. When I did pray all I could pray was "help me." I know God was there with me as distant as He seemed. He let me search and struggle and figure things out and He gentley led me. I remembered things like "if you search me you will find me" and "when you are weak, I am strong." Not that any of this made it any easier at the time. I came through but I know my faith is different than it was.
May you know you are not alone and that you are loved by many.I am praying.
Ouch! I know you are hurting really bad. I'm not in your skin or your mind to know what caused this moment of hopelessness. Please hang in there. The Hope is bigger than now. The Help is bigger than that. "Greater is He that is in us than he who is in the world. Don't let ________ give us all a bad wrap as being full of **** and useless to the world. I have been listening to the song "Blessed be your name" and it is telling me that it's easy to bless God when "the sun is shining down on me, and the world is all as it should be" It reminded me of the line "every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in still I will say "blessed be your name" I know God is there, Lynn. And I know he's been looking out for you and your girls. I see all the people who love you. Us too!!! I'll pray for your strength. You're right. Life HERE isn't fair!!! Love you!
4 comments:
Hey Lynn,
I just read your blog post "People" and my heart aches. I think of the laments of "why do evil men prosper?" but instead of finding Psalm 73 where the psalmist speaks to this (had to look it up), I just flipped to Psalm 101. Why didn't you marry a non-Christian man with values? I have no answers. Yet, you truly are an honest woman, a good woman, a woman of integrity. You seek true repentance and God's face. In your blog you have challenged me to think about my own struggle with appearances and the outside of the cup. So what good is all this hindsight and this daily pain and grief? I never had the longing for heaven like I have now. If anything, Gordon's death has done that for me. "Abandoned, struck down but not destroyed." I know I clung, and still do, to that knowledge. At the end of Psalm 73 he(Asaph)says there is nothing on earth here for him. We sing "nothing I desire compares with you" thinking that's a pretty thought. And yet here is a cry out saying--there is nothing here!
When I had the flu at Christmas nothing tasted or smelled good--it all turned my stomach. And many things in this world and even in the church should turn our stomachs. And now my book is open to Romans (8:18). How did Paul say these things? ...and then I work my way to The Spirit in verse 26-27 (that's how). I really think most words of the Bible mean little to people who haven't suffered. Many Christians never know what yearning for God, his justice, the end of evil really means having never endured such pain. It's true (vs. 24): "WHO HOPES FOR WHAT HE ALREADY HAS?" If we already have heaven on earth--WHAT DO WE NEED HEAVEN FOR? Then the cry in Ecclesiastes is true--eat, drink, for tomorrow we die! It is all meaningless. And we know that without God it is meaningless. Because everything isn't all good. We are struck down. People make a mess, are a mess. I know I am. I'm grateful for His Spirit...may it sustain us.
Lynn you make me want to read The Word by what you have said and what you have written. I haven't truly felt like doing this in a while. Please forgive me if I'm coming off like I am being full of it--just sounding off scriptures. I want to be full of Spirit and not myself. Thanks for inspiring me today to look to Him.
Jenn
hi lynn
I just read your blog and I can say that I know how you feel. Not exactly but there have been many times in my life when I have felt that all "this" has been for nothing. I don't know what to say because I know that whatever I say will not make it easier or better. I know this because I have been there. This is something that you have to work through yourself and with God. It will take time and much searching. Your faith and even some of your beliefs may change. This is not bad. This is something that you need to do. May you know that I am here for you praying, as are many others. May God lead you through this, as ever distant He may seem or you may want Him.
This may all sound dumb to people reading this and I have no words for them either. All I can say is I remember a time when all my faith consisted of was me acknowledging yes there is a God. And a cry consisting only of "you have to help me." I did not know what to believe, what to think and I did not even care to pray. When I did pray all I could pray was "help me." I know God was there with me as distant as He seemed. He let me search and struggle and figure things out and He gentley led me. I remembered things like "if you search me you will find me" and "when you are weak, I am strong." Not that any of this made it any easier at the time. I came through but I know my faith is different than it was.
May you know you are not alone and that you are loved by many.I am praying.
Jackie
Ouch! I know you are hurting really bad. I'm not in your skin or your mind to know what caused this moment of hopelessness. Please hang in there. The Hope is bigger than now. The Help is bigger than that. "Greater is He that is in us than he who is in the world. Don't let ________ give us all a bad wrap as being full of **** and useless to the world. I have been listening to the song "Blessed be your name" and it is telling me that it's easy to bless God when "the sun is shining down on me, and the world is all as it should be" It reminded me of the line "every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in still I will say "blessed be your name" I know God is there, Lynn. And I know he's been looking out for you and your girls. I see all the people who love you. Us too!!! I'll pray for your strength. You're right. Life HERE isn't fair!!! Love you!
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